she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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