Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
