dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
