They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
