I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
