I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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