college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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