Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
