Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize