i think i have two assholes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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