So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
