Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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