apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
