I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I understand Curling. That high.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
