sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Acid is not a monday night drug
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize