I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
