He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
