I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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