Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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