Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
