It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
last night I used snow as a chaser
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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