Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
