got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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