Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
