Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
