she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize