Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
