she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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