Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
