I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize