If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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