the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
