is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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