I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
