my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Houston, we have a blender
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
