We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
