I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
