dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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