Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
