It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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