The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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