i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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