How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
