I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
