If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
