Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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