Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
