I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
