I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
