i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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