So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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