Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
