I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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