i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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