Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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