I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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