What tipped you off? The sombrero?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize