one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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