Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
