My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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