Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
