Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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