is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Pants are for mortals
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