I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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