how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
