And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
