you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize