i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
