Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
