Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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