I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
last night I used snow as a chaser
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
