Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
