My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
