i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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