ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
one might say we're banned from that church
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
