soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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