At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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