Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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