super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize