he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize