and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
