2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
