my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Please don't give away my fajitas
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