She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
