I think i peed on brittanys purse
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
