Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
