Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
