Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize