I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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