You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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