Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
