I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
