my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
