Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
