remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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