Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Alive.
So much puke
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
