I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
