From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
