Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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