That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
