I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
