I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
