Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
