she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
