i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You brought string cheese to the strip club
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
