Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
